Kelly’s Korner: Enjoying This Holiday Season Your Own Way, One Lesson, One Ride at a Time

Published: Posted on December 3, 2015December 1, 2020 by admin

Last Updated: December 1st, 2020

This time of year evokes many a mixed feeling within me – as it does for almost everyone, I think. The past and the present get all roiled around in there until I separate and accept them. For a long time, though, I let what was and what is cause me a lot of confusion and pain; the two realities were so disparate, I couldn’t reconcile them and feel good. It took me many years to understand that I can delight in the Christmas season in my own way without having to recreate (probably false) childhood enjoyment. Today, two wheels play an important role in that.

In those crucial formative years, my mother made a big deal out of Christmas. She played Mannheim Steamroller non-stop, hung homemade decorations, made gingerbread houses, baked, turned off the house lights so we could bask in the glow of the tree, tried to engage my brother, father and me by reading Christmas stories. Contemplating that time means happy memories are tinged with some sadness.  Try as they might, my parents were unable the mask the unhappiness within our family.

For many a Christmas season after I moved out and became estranged from my parents, I wanted to replicate the feelings of childhood pleasure. When I couldn’t, I fell into depression. To fix that, I spent several Decembers trying to ignore the holidays altogether. That worked about as well as being depressed. However, after a lot of growth and life changes, including becoming a motorcyclist, I appreciate the positive aspects of my childhood Christmases and let myself feel the inevitable sadness about the not-so-good aspects without needing to wallow in emotional turmoil. I discarded certain ways of thinking associated with the season that don’t work for me, kept what does and added traditions of my own. And now, I look forward to the holidays and the different touches people everywhere bring to them.

Much of that has occurred as my husband and I, as a couple and separately, have instituted customs that reflect our values and that may not meet peoples’ misplaced expectations. After all, we already celebrate Thanksgiving in a non-traditional way – no reason not to do the same with Christmas. (And at the risk of mandating tradition, which strips all the fun, we now decide on a Thanksgiving-by-Thanksgiving basis if we’re up for a dirt ride or if we want to do a Bang-Bang with friends or get stuff done or whatever.) Here’s the not-so-socially-popular Teal approach to Christmas:

• We give gifts only to a select few kids in our lives up until they turn 18 (I have my grandmother, with eight grandchildren, to thank for that model). Looking at the numbers, T and I have more than a dozen nieces, nephews, godchildren and other kids whom we love and would love to spoil endlessly were we millionaires. Luckily these kids all are well-cared-for citizens of the first world; as such, we have chosen to pare down the gift-giving so we don’t go broke or crazy. With apologies to the many adults we adore, no presents.
• T and I don’t exchange gifts. If we want something throughout the year, we buy it.
• I no longer decorate except with lights. Erecting and dressing a tree by oneself is a lonely business; taking it down is even worse. We don’t have children and T is, well, a bit of a Grinch (he’ll say that about himself so I’m not telling tales here) who doesn’t do the tree thing. And I find that having a Christmas tree doesn’t bring me enough joy to make up for the stress of it all. I’ll appreciate your tree instead.
• I’ll bake if and when I feel like it. Which is not often. Don’t come to my place expecting a Christmas spread. But I will make you as much espresso as you can drink.

Here’s the more popular “to-do” list:

• Donate toys at the TEAM Arizona Bike Night for the Shriner’s Children’s Hospital.
• Spend time with people who enrich us so we come away feeling happier and more content than we did before interaction began. In the largest sense, this means no family dinners, etc., except with family we like and who like us. In the more day-to-day sense, this means making sure to get together with friends, a philosophy that should carry beyond the holidays.
• Listen to lots of Holiday music until it becomes annoying. Then bring back the Foo Fighters. Yes, I’ll hop on the Mannheim Steamroller for a while but not long. I really like the Bing Crosby/Nat King Cole/Rosemary Clooney era of the classics and, of course, the entire Nutcracker Suite.
• Watch “White Christmas” and National Lampoon’s “Christmas Vacation” at least once.
• Take lots of walks around the neighborhood to look at peoples’ Christmas lights and be glad we didn’t put them up or have to put them away.
• Try to remember the people around us who could use some cheer even (or especially?) when life throws wrenches at us.
• Spend Christmas morning with a fireplace on the TV and Christmas carols on the stereo while eating a platter of meats, cheeses, fruit and shrimp as our dogs chew on bones.
• Spend Christmas afternoon at the movies and eat dinner at a restaurant unless an invitation related to the first bullet point arises.
• Most memorably, and with hopes of inspiring other riding families, go on our annual Christmas lights ride. T and I started doing this in 2003 when we were still new to Arizona and considered December temperatures as warm. Because I didn’t start riding until 2007, I spent those first four light rides on the back of T’s bike. And then, on my own motorcycle, I learned the value of heated gloves after my right hand wouldn’t open from the throttle-on position. We also took our annual ride alone for the first six years or so. These days, we have many riding friends to invite and the experience is much more fulfilling, even in years when the lights themselves prove a bit of a fail (2014, anyone?).

If you like the idea of this last activity, I’ve found it works best when someone pinpoints an area where people and businesses are sure to have gone all out on their Holiday lights. Local media outlets and sites such as About.com publish such information. Typically, we take two or three hours to ride around, getting off to stroll through the liveliest neighborhoods and lasting until the cold cuts through even the most warmly dressed of us. From there, we choose a place for coffee, maybe coffee and dessert, just somewhere we can thaw out and talk and laugh through the night without feeling rushed to leave. I love these excursions. And while I don’t relish the cold, the ride would not be right without it. Imagine trying to enjoy holiday lights in 90 degrees. Not the same. Most of all, I look forward to surrounding myself with wonderful people.

And that’s really what this whole month, whether we’re observing Christmas, Hanukkah or Kwanzaa, should be about – the people, the friends and chosen family who helped us get through another year, whom we supported, and without whom our worlds would lack in laughter and authenticity. Speaking just for myself, I’ve found many of those people also have chosen the riding lifestyle. Coincidence? I think not. Most riders are, without a doubt, generous creatures and willing foes of the status quo. With that in mind, I hope each of us frees ourselves to enjoy the holidays in ways that may not fall in line with what society preaches to us, or what we absorbed in our childhoods; I hope we all devote this season to finding unique ways – even (or especially!) small, simple ones – to revel in the intrinsic meanings of this time of the year: love, joy and goodness.

I’d love to hear about your traditions; send me an email at kellyteal13@gmail.com.

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